Power of identity

I see myself as someone who can produce written content very easily. And with that end in mind, I am planning to have more extempore writing in my life. I see many hurdles here in making this a reality. Unpredictable and busy schedules, volatile moods, etc etc. But I think this needs to be a part of my identity. What I do every day. Write on a topic. Any topic. I can expand this later to include a poem or news comment or something like that. Just to extract more benefit out of the routine. But for now it is a preparation-less writing. To keep that outlet of expression open and active. I don’t want to discover later that lack of use has made it impossible to get anything useful out of my writing without getting a tonne of junk along with it.

I bought one more book on my flight back from Chandigarh. For the thousandth time, I bought a book that I would never read again later. Can you blame me. The book called “Reflections” is a compilation of Swami Vivekananda’s speeches, both speeches by him or about him. But I didn’t finish the book, so don’t take my word for it. It’s a difficult read.

Reading is a bed time activity for me. Yet somehow I fall asleep more with my phone than with my book. That needs to change.

So yes this writing exercise, is around the idea that I attract more situations in my life that revolve around how I see myself. Do I see myself as someone who can write easily. Then I will be presented with more opportunity for writing. Same with singing. When someone asks me to sing a song I feel unprepared and unpractised. Also right now I have very less singing videos online. (You can check it here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGZlBikGn-b1oh1Q6oMFD0A?view_as=subscriber).

But the reason for this is, I feel I have to prepare a lot before posting each video. I want to be someone who can sing off some song every day on demand. So I plan to make videos every day where I sing a song that comes easily to me. That way I’ll slowly have an identity of someone who can sing a song easily.

Of course this means that the quality of my content may seem to suffer in the beginning. But I think it’ll catch up in time. Also I can always keep deleting content.

Space

Okay so I am writing this post in the capacity of a singer. But I think it applies to any one doing anything creative.

Honestly I couldn’t understand the importance of deep focus. I used to do all my vocal practices, scales, breathing exercises but with a lot of distractions. Would take breaks every five minutes to check my phone or watch some TV show. And I had convinced myself that as long as I am doing the required practices, it didn’t matter what I did in between to keep myself going.

But my attempt today to shut off all distractions and only focus on my vocal practices made me realise how important it is for the creative process. Not to mention, the time I save and the number of things I could do today despite the brief period of depression in which I kind of lost control and switched on my phone. I think being forced to confront your feelings of boredom or fear or past issues can have that effect. But it also made me come out of my default automated settings.

I started thinking about what I was singing and what practice I was doing. I thought about how I could do these things in a better way. I spent time listening to music and observing how each emotion is represented in the language of music by different artists. My mind had the space to think about all these things instead of being focused on mindless entertainment fed from TV shows or mobile applications.

And getting the space to ponder over things and being able to confront emotions and channel them into creation is so important for the creative process.

Look at my blog too. I wrote three posts in one day. Because I have been thinking about things, I have been struggling with emotions and I have been thinking of solutions at the back of my mind. And some of it found it’s way into my writing.

Basically deep focus gives space for us to be human. The difference between human beings and any other animal is the thought and effort human beings put into everything they do. That is what I was able to do with my music, thanks to the space I gave my brain for thinking without distractions.

I think I have made my point now. Hope it helps some people. Have a good day 🙂

Float

Some days are going to be like this
It’ll feel as if everything’s out of your reach
I feel as if I have lost all that I worked for
All that I held dear
But does it ever really go away

I have sunk a bit out of it’s reach
Down here it’s gloomy, nothing is clear
I’m used to staying sad this way
Habits are more comfortable sometimes
Familiar even if toxic

Sometimes we have to fight with ourselves
To not be sad
Seems so ironic
But it’s also beautiful, depends on how we see it
Sadness often paints a beautiful picture
And like every drowning man needs to know
All we need to do is not fight, but float

Float with the darkness, float with the pain,
Till we are back on the surface
And we can see the sunlight once again.

Moving on

You and I we both know that things have changed
The people we were in the past, we are not the same
The faces and names are cues to memories we hold dear
But the reality is, those people are no longer here
Life shaped us in different ways when we moved apart
There are no regrets now just a suspended emotion
An acknowledgement , that our paths once crossed

Morning madness

I have a problem with starting the day right. I spend most of the first half sunk in my bed with empty cups of tea and breakfast lying around. Even if I do get up for an errand I sink back right in. I’ve tried a hundred different things – morning exercise, early morning music practice routine, stretches, doing my bed, talking on phone with good friends, yoga, meditation and what not. But nothing seems to be a permanent solution that sustains for more than a few days. And before I know, I get into the other feeling of uselessness and depression for not having accomplished my music, job search and weight loss plans.

Up until yesterday, when I decided to restart all my blogs. I am thinking I may have come up with a solution. Reading and writing seem to be activities that I can accomplish even while I am lying around in my bed. So my physical passivity won’t come in the way. And it will definitely take the edge off the feeling of uselessness that I end up with.

I can end the first half with some exercise and start music practice in the afternoon after I am out of my morning lethargy problem.

May be this will work. May be this won’t. The answer to this question can only come in the next few days when I do or don’t post new stuff here. And if there is no more new stuff, then it means it’s not working and you can refer to my previous blog “The never ending loop” 😛

P.S. I have also started working on a music blog to share whatever I learn through my experiments in music. All you music lovers and well wishers, please follow if you like it:
https://thepathofmusicblog.wordpress.com

The never ending loop

Feeling good for nothing.
Depression.
Mood swings.
Making each day work.
Sticking to the plan.
Not sticking to the plan.
Feeling everything tumbling down.
Getting a grip and making a new plan.
Sticking to new plan.
False hopes.
Stumbling over an unseen problem.
Falling sick.
Stop Following plan.
Lose your grip.
Realise how much time you have spent and how much you have really achieved.
Getting up and trying again any way because you have no choice.
Calling it brave.
Telling yourself that you finally have it figured out.
Depression strikes yet again.
Chuck everything try to reset things.
Realise that it’s too late.
Go back to square one.
Make a plan.
And the cycle continues.

I am really stuck in this loop. But if there is anything that MBA has taught me, it is that at first nailing the project seemed like an impossible task to everyone. But those who stuck on and kept working on it without giving up somehow did nail it. And I was always one of those who got intimidated, who felt this was impossible to do. The solution always seems simple when someone gives it to you.

But what I learnt was that not giving up and consistently trying something was the way to go. A solution has to come out.

And so I shall go back to my never ending loop with this one ray of hope that may be not giving up will somehow magically give a solution. May be.

My Blogging Tip #2 – Limit the Number of Posts per Day

Why? Why? Because when I get many email updates for the same blog in one day, I read only the latest one. It is not to say that I don’t want to read the other posts, but after one post, I decide that I will read the remaining later. And later never comes.

And I’ve been doing this since almost a month. I feel guilty that I did not read all those posts, but then I have only this much time in one day 😦 and there are so many good bloggers out there!

I experienced this with my blog too. On Thursday morning I published one post. I was happy about it. I was looking forward to seeing what people would think about it. But by evening, something happened that made me all emotional and unstable. I really needed to vent out and I did. I wrote a poem without thinking much. Just wrote whatever I felt like writing. It almost felt like my hands were typing independently without inputs from my brain 😛

At the end of it I had a poem. And I badly wanted people to read that one, because this blog is the only place where I can talk openly about those feelings. So tada, by late evening, there was another post! A lot of people read and “liked” it. I got some new followers. It made me feel really good. Some of the people who liked that post are blogging on topics that I really relate to. So I am really glad I posted that poem.

But the post before that. Poor thing. No one cares about it now. Hehe. So well that’s the thing. To do every post on your blog justice, you have to give readers time to read. Publishing one or at most two posts per day is what I would recommend if you want to do justice to each of your posts.

Again this is not criticizing anybody. This is just my objective observation and inference based on that. People are free to tell me if they disagree or have experienced otherwise.

Hope this helps. Have a good day 🙂

My Blogging Tip #1 – Keep it short!

I hate reading long posts. Posts should always be short. Short enough for me to read in about five minutes.

In those five minutes I should learn something new, or develop a new perspective or just feel an emotion, be touched somehow, it could be laughter or extreme sadness or anything.

Of course, if it’s a story, then I may be even read a post that will take me ten minutes. But for all other posts I can only read about 500 words, not more. I start shutting off, I close the page or I just look at how much more there is to read and lose interest.

I know I’ve been blogging for only a month now, so I’m no one to give judgments. But this comes more from the experience of reading posts and articles. Especially now that I am following quite a few blogs by email, I click on every email notification I get for a new post. But I don’t finish the long ones. I don’t have all day. I work, I get phone calls, I have studies and in the middle of all of that I read blog posts to get refreshed or feel better in some way.

So, when I learn something, I feel better. When I am touched by a story or a thought I get a new perspective to life, so I feel enlightened. If I don’t get any of this in the first one minute, I stop reading, because there are other better posts waiting in my email.

I am not writing this because I want to criticize people. It is just my observation. A point that I thought I should note for my future posts. Just thought it would be a good idea to share it here as well. Have a good day 🙂