Morning madness

I have a problem with starting the day right. I spend most of the first half sunk in my bed with empty cups of tea and breakfast lying around. Even if I do get up for an errand I sink back right in. I’ve tried a hundred different things – morning exercise, early morning music practice routine, stretches, doing my bed, talking on phone with good friends, yoga, meditation and what not. But nothing seems to be a permanent solution that sustains for more than a few days. And before I know, I get into the other feeling of uselessness and depression for not having accomplished my music, job search and weight loss plans.

Up until yesterday, when I decided to restart all my blogs. I am thinking I may have come up with a solution. Reading and writing seem to be activities that I can accomplish even while I am lying around in my bed. So my physical passivity won’t come in the way. And it will definitely take the edge off the feeling of uselessness that I end up with.

I can end the first half with some exercise and start music practice in the afternoon after I am out of my morning lethargy problem.

May be this will work. May be this won’t. The answer to this question can only come in the next few days when I do or don’t post new stuff here. And if there is no more new stuff, then it means it’s not working and you can refer to my previous blog “The never ending loop” 😛

P.S. I have also started working on a music blog to share whatever I learn through my experiments in music. All you music lovers and well wishers, please follow if you like it:
https://thepathofmusicblog.wordpress.com

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The never ending loop

Feeling good for nothing.
Depression.
Mood swings.
Making each day work.
Sticking to the plan.
Not sticking to the plan.
Feeling everything tumbling down.
Getting a grip and making a new plan.
Sticking to new plan.
False hopes.
Stumbling over an unseen problem.
Falling sick.
Stop Following plan.
Lose your grip.
Realise how much time you have spent and how much you have really achieved.
Getting up and trying again any way because you have no choice.
Calling it brave.
Telling yourself that you finally have it figured out.
Depression strikes yet again.
Chuck everything try to reset things.
Realise that it’s too late.
Go back to square one.
Make a plan.
And the cycle continues.

I am really stuck in this loop. But if there is anything that MBA has taught me, it is that at first nailing the project seemed like an impossible task to everyone. But those who stuck on and kept working on it without giving up somehow did nail it. And I was always one of those who got intimidated, who felt this was impossible to do. The solution always seems simple when someone gives it to you.

But what I learnt was that not giving up and consistently trying something was the way to go. A solution has to come out.

And so I shall go back to my never ending loop with this one ray of hope that may be not giving up will somehow magically give a solution. May be.

Negativity talking..

So here’s an update for all those who were following my blog from the start. In case you still read my posts, I got through with my goal of completing my MBA and finding a job away from home. I was finally financially independent as I had always wanted to be. But I couldn’t really get myself to work as a manager. My heart was always on pursuing the things I am really passionate about – music, psychology, working against child abuse. If any of my old followers are still reading, you know how much these things meant to me.

I finally got the opportunity to start working on my music passion. And I guess I got too involved with it. Too carried away. I don’t know. I just couldn’t see myself struggling to work in corporate anymore. I just didn’t belong in the position that I was holding in my previous company. Didn’t feel I could do justice to my job. On the other hand I was doing fairly well as a singer. Not financially. I was not earning anything, but I was having progress, I knew that this was one place where I could contribute. I truly had some potential here even though I was not qualified.

So eventually I quit my job. Thought that somehow I would find a way of earning through music itself, because I wanted to be genuine. I didn’t want to be that fake MBA person that was just wasting the time of the company because they needed money to pay off their loans. So I tried to take the honest path. I told myself, I am being honest so a path will open up. Because that’s what I believed. That if we are true to ourselves and if we have the courage then somehow we will find a way to make it work.

But as on today, I feel stuck. I don’t think music can start earning so soon. I need to give it more time.

Just remembering how I used to write motivating posts on how every small step matters and how one must never give up on their dreams. Keep trying, keep working, one step at a time. It made sense then because saying that gave me hope. But I don’t know what I would say to that young girl who wrote all that. Is the future really bright? Is their truly an escape?

Or do we really come with a destiny? May be not all are destined to find happiness and the better thing to do is to just resign to fate? May be I should never have dreamt of a better life, may be I should’ve stuck to the job where I could at least contributed something. May be I should’ve stayed with my parents and accepted that freedom and pursuit of happiness was not in my destiny? But I did, I made the choice of getting into a field not meant for me, just so that I could escape from home. And I guess I was wrong, it was not an escape. May be once we started going downhill, once one thing goes wrong and we stumble, may be we just keep tumbling and falling and getting weak and eventually have the big fall?

I don’t know. This is not a hopeful or positive or motivating blog post. This is just a honest, very honest thought flow that is probably good for nothing, just like the writer of this post..

Dreams..

Never lose sight of your goal. NEVER EVER. Never let go of your dreams.

If your goal seems impossible to achieve, it means you are not willing to try hard enough. IF you have a goal THEN you need to make a PLAN to achieve that goal. Things may not always work out according to that plan, that’s OK. We can always tweak the plan because the plan is not important. Our goal, our VISION of where we want to reach in life IS important.  

Whatever path we take, whether it is long or short, whether it is straightforward or twisted, CAN always lead to your goal. Perhaps the long and twisted path will let you pick up along the way something that will make it easier for you to face the HARDER problems you are going to face when you are CLOSER to your goal. The reasons why you needed to take that twisted path will all be clear then. For now don’t question, just take whatever you get along the way, and keep thinking how you can use what you HAVE to reach where you want to BE.

What you really need is the FAITH in yourself, the faith that YOU will never give up. Because if YOU don’t give up, if you KEEP TRYING again and again and again AND again, you will surely succeed. LUCK can run out ONCE, luck can run out TWICE. But luck DOES NOT run out every time. Only the person who is truly passionate for his dreams to come true WILL have the patience to wait for the one time that luck WILL work in his favour. He is ready to take any test, even if it means waiting in agonizing uncertainty. Because he BELIEVES that the present situation may be uncertain but his GOAL is still important to him and he KNOWS he is going to get there some day ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.          

Nothing can come between you and your dreams. Nothing really. People who tell you that you cannot achieve your dreams are SHORT SIGHTED. But you must keep your vision far ALWAYS. Remember if your dream, you goal means something to you, then your every action, every step, every decision should be taken with an eye on your goal. ALWAYS. What you are doing today may not seem in any way related to what you wish to do in future. But if you stop in your tracks for this reason, you will never reach the destination. Keep walking; keep doing your best in whatever you do. Sometime in your life you will see how it all fits in the bigger picture. Each and every thing you did in life, each and every event, each and every person left something behind for you to use to achieve your goal. It is up to you whether you get stuck or you take what you were given and try to find ways of using it to move closer to your goal.

If your dream really means so much to you, then be willing to face every set back you face on your way. Haven’t we all heard the saying “When life throws lemons at you make lemonade”. Those are only WORDS if you like it that way or they can be the story of YOUR LIFE if you wish to make it that. It is all in YOUR hands.