Power of identity

I see myself as someone who can produce written content very easily. And with that end in mind, I am planning to have more extempore writing in my life. I see many hurdles here in making this a reality. Unpredictable and busy schedules, volatile moods, etc etc. But I think this needs to be a part of my identity. What I do every day. Write on a topic. Any topic. I can expand this later to include a poem or news comment or something like that. Just to extract more benefit out of the routine. But for now it is a preparation-less writing. To keep that outlet of expression open and active. I don’t want to discover later that lack of use has made it impossible to get anything useful out of my writing without getting a tonne of junk along with it.

I bought one more book on my flight back from Chandigarh. For the thousandth time, I bought a book that I would never read again later. Can you blame me. The book called “Reflections” is a compilation of Swami Vivekananda’s speeches, both speeches by him or about him. But I didn’t finish the book, so don’t take my word for it. It’s a difficult read.

Reading is a bed time activity for me. Yet somehow I fall asleep more with my phone than with my book. That needs to change.

So yes this writing exercise, is around the idea that I attract more situations in my life that revolve around how I see myself. Do I see myself as someone who can write easily. Then I will be presented with more opportunity for writing. Same with singing. When someone asks me to sing a song I feel unprepared and unpractised. Also right now I have very less singing videos online. (You can check it here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGZlBikGn-b1oh1Q6oMFD0A?view_as=subscriber).

But the reason for this is, I feel I have to prepare a lot before posting each video. I want to be someone who can sing off some song every day on demand. So I plan to make videos every day where I sing a song that comes easily to me. That way I’ll slowly have an identity of someone who can sing a song easily.

Of course this means that the quality of my content may seem to suffer in the beginning. But I think it’ll catch up in time. Also I can always keep deleting content.

Stronger Still..

The restlessness
The anguish
Caused by his walking in and leaving
The hope that rose in her heart and got quashed once again
As if life is attempting just that
Take the hope out once and for all from her heart
Hurt her so much that she dare not hope
She must give in to fate
and say whatever you say
You lead the way
But she’s stronger than fate knows
She can wait
She can live with the pain
She refuses to give up on this dream
As she never ever gave up on any dream
May be he’s not the one
May be she is going to have her heart broken countless times
And cry in pain
but she will never give up and give in
She will learn to be stronger still.

My Fort Is My Heaven.

Hurt hurt hurt hurt
so many times
It doesn’t hurt anymore
I am cold as stone
In or out
NO half ass human shit for me
The beauty of sitting alone with my music
Is love
nothing else
I won’t share it with anyone
I have conversed with myself all these years
Been there when no one else was there
Craved for love and loved myself
Why should I let anyone in now
This is perfect
Me me myself and music
I don’t need anyone human
When I have all of this
It’s too late now,
Don’t even try
I won’t let anyone touch this
anymore no
I am happy now
And this is my heaven.

Risk

I knew
I always knew the risk
I knew
I knew it was not easy

But I also knew the risk

Of not trying ever,
The risk of losing
That ray of hope

It was not worth it
Just to stay safe
It didn’t make any sense

I had to jump
Even if it meant
Falling Hurting
Losing everything

But
I had nothing to start with
Nothing but hope
And a message from someone

That nothing mattered

Only
Living without ever giving up
Living in the best way possible
With whatever we have.

Float

Some days are going to be like this
It’ll feel as if everything’s out of your reach
I feel as if I have lost all that I worked for
All that I held dear
But does it ever really go away

I have sunk a bit out of it’s reach
Down here it’s gloomy, nothing is clear
I’m used to staying sad this way
Habits are more comfortable sometimes
Familiar even if toxic

Sometimes we have to fight with ourselves
To not be sad
Seems so ironic
But it’s also beautiful, depends on how we see it
Sadness often paints a beautiful picture
And like every drowning man needs to know
All we need to do is not fight, but float

Float with the darkness, float with the pain,
Till we are back on the surface
And we can see the sunlight once again.

Moving on

You and I we both know that things have changed
The people we were in the past, we are not the same
The faces and names are cues to memories we hold dear
But the reality is, those people are no longer here
Life shaped us in different ways when we moved apart
There are no regrets now just a suspended emotion
An acknowledgement , that our paths once crossed

Stepping away..

But why won’t she just stay calm and let things be
Why hold on too tightly to something then erase it all
Like a middle ground makes no sense
Swinging like a pendulum
from unbelievable happiness to unexplained grief
Though life is always good
In its own delicious way
It mixes the right amounts
Of moments of happiness and those of pain
If only she knew how to ride the waves
Of love
Instead of drowning herself in the highs and suffocating in the lows
If only she knew how
But the only way she knows is to throw it all away
Step away from the water
And watch longingly
From far far away