Lost

Some days it feels as if your life and everything else,
is just slipping
away
from you,
Somewhere sometime you lost something,
And you madly seek it
But it doesn’t come,
Nor do you understand what it is that you seek
You want to get away from it all
And move on
Live a healthy life
As you so deserve
But it is not easy
And you keep falling back
I want to stand steady
And walk
Because there is still so much
I wish to do
I deserve a chance
To find happiness
And to pursue
What I dream
And dreamt
I wait for it
To turn right
To materialise
And give me a chance
But I hope I manage
To do it right

I just typed down whatever words came to my mind. This was not an attempt at poetry or writing, it was just thinking of words and typing the first word or sentence that came to my mind. I kind of liked the result so I am posting it.

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Good Mood Days :)

I am in a very good mood since the last two days. I am being able to acknowledge that there is something beautiful, something wonderful about every living person. Yes, I mean EVERY living person.

I know this sounds strange coming from a paranoid person like me. But I am starting to think that every person has a role to play in the world and in your story. The evil abuser, narcissist, sociopath, controlling mother, abusive husband, all of them were there in your life to change you in a certain way, to take you ahead in your story.

I feel today the need to nurture the best I can see in every person I speak to. I have a feeling that it will lead to something good. Not for the person, but for me. The feeling that I don’t have to live in suspicion but can love everyone and give everyone reason to smile is very liberating.  

So does this mean I want to take the risk again? I think it is more on the lines of what one friend with narcissistic personality disorder under treatment had told me. Don’t change yourself, but define your boundaries. So you will know when someone tries too hard to get past your boundary. All you would really have to do is ensure that no one gets past it. Don’t avoid, just know where to draw the line. Protect yourself but don’t avoid living because you fear getting hurt. Don’t tolerate when things turn bad, but don’t avoid the situation altogether. Just learn to raise your voice once in a while and fight for yourself.

I think these happy thoughts are a result of my good mood today 🙂 I don’t really know how long this will last, but I hope it lasts longer and brings real change in me 🙂

A Useful Link

Today at work I was feeling particularly lethargic and bored. I think it was because I didn’t get to have sandwich in the morning. Yeah, I love sandwiches 🙂 But when I called up the canteen fellow he told me there was no bread available 😦

Any way, so I was telling you that I was feeling really lethargic and couldn’t get myself to work. I kept browsing through the internet and entering in and out of chatrooms. If not that, I found myself trying to find stuff to eat in my bag, but I was certainly not doing my work!

As usual I was beginning to feel useless and helpless because I like being a hardworking and sincere employee, not an employee who comes to work and wastes company resources without getting anything productive done. So I was not only feeling lethargic but also guilty and helpless. I realised that I had sunk into a low mood. That’s when I decided to google, “How to get myself out of don’t feel like working mood”. (Now please don’t judge me, I know it sounds really lame. But I was really helpless. Believe me!)

And I chanced upon this really awesome link. Dave Navarro, whoever he is, seems like a very sensitive and intelligent person. He empathizes really well with people who feel like me and also gives an awesome solution that worked for me instantly. Also, it is not one of those links that are full of promises and end with an advertisement for some ebook on how you can help yourself. This guy has really given useful advice free of cost and has actually requested everyone to share the link with as many people as we can. So here I am sharing it with you 🙂

http://www.rockyourday.com/how-to-train-yourself-to-be-in-the-mood-you-want/

Hope it helps you. All the best 🙂