My Fort Is My Heaven.

Hurt hurt hurt hurt
so many times
It doesn’t hurt anymore
I am cold as stone
In or out
NO half ass human shit for me
The beauty of sitting alone with my music
Is love
nothing else
I won’t share it with anyone
I have conversed with myself all these years
Been there when no one else was there
Craved for love and loved myself
Why should I let anyone in now
This is perfect
Me me myself and music
I don’t need anyone human
When I have all of this
It’s too late now,
Don’t even try
I won’t let anyone touch this
anymore no
I am happy now
And this is my heaven.

Questions

Sometimes you just can’t make sense of why some things happen in your life. Why meet someone who touches your heart only to be tossed aside like you mean nothing to them. Why should we go through more pain when there is already an endless supply of it and all you are looking for is some respite from it.

I usually know. I understand why something happens and how I must make sense of it. But today I am blank. I don’t understand why I must keep going through hurt from family, from friends and now even from people I just met. How careful can one be.

I refuse to meet anyone now. I refuse to try to do anything at all. I want peace. That is all i demand. Peace of mind. All I ask is to get some space away from all the people shouting their expectations at me. I want to stop listening to anyone and I want to stop caring about how my actions hurt anyone. Clearly, others don’t care how their actions hurt me.

I am today questioning again why I must live. Not because my life is devoid of passion but because I am devoid of any will to continue this struggle.

I want that one solution that will help me to bring peace in my existence. So I can quietly focus all my energies on music, without being distracted by pointless pain. Please give me no more drama. Please instead give me strength and mental peace to look after myself alone.