You were the last straw
It’s too much of a responsibility for you I know
Being told that
You were just looking for a day’s fun
But I was letting myself get swayed by your pretence
Foolish though it was
That hidden part of me that still had hope
Peeking through half closed doors
One last time
But now that door is shut
That last time was enough confirmation
That it need not resurface ever in this life time
This is what life has planned for me
The sooner I accept the sooner I can begin
To love myself
To gift myself with what delights me
To take myself out on a date and be happy
To be my own companion
I hope this relationship lasts.
You broke my heart
Like no one ever did before
I didn’t know you well
Yet I thought i’d be safe with you
Must be something about how you spoke
But you threw me away
you treated me in a way
That i would never want any guy to touch me ever again
Because i realised that displays of affection, those smiles,
that feeling of connecting over something that’s important to us both
were nothing but ruses
meant to pave a path for you
to treat me like dirt, momentary relief
whatever I may want to believe
this is all i’ll ever mean to a guy
How long can one live in the fear of being hurt. How long can we guard ourselves and think before we take every step.
It’s true that it hurts like hell when we take off all our masks , break down our walls for someone only to be let down again. It takes away all our energy but isn’t it better that we see the truth sooner than later.
If we feel scared of being vulnerable we will be alone forever because there will be nobody, around whom we can be our true selves. If we are looking for that one person to spend our time or lifetime with shouldn’t that one person make us feel accepted for who we are and not some pretend version of us we bring on dates to impress.
We could play mind games or act like we don’t care so that we don’t come across as needy. We may win the battle of impressing someone for one date or few dates but whom are we really fooling here? That person or ourselves? We are trying to say that the real version of us that expresses how he / she feels and trusts and gives his / her all to one person is not good enough. But then how will anyone love us if we are so ashamed of ourselves. Better be alone than in a situation where we have to manage what we say, when we say and how we feel all the time. It is better that we spend some time alone till we find someone who won’t reject us for being emotional and vulnerable around them but will respond to this brave gesture with respect and sensitivity.