Space

Okay so I am writing this post in the capacity of a singer. But I think it applies to any one doing anything creative.

Honestly I couldn’t understand the importance of deep focus. I used to do all my vocal practices, scales, breathing exercises but with a lot of distractions. Would take breaks every five minutes to check my phone or watch some TV show. And I had convinced myself that as long as I am doing the required practices, it didn’t matter what I did in between to keep myself going.

But my attempt today to shut off all distractions and only focus on my vocal practices made me realise how important it is for the creative process. Not to mention, the time I save and the number of things I could do today despite the brief period of depression in which I kind of lost control and switched on my phone. I think being forced to confront your feelings of boredom or fear or past issues can have that effect. But it also made me come out of my default automated settings.

I started thinking about what I was singing and what practice I was doing. I thought about how I could do these things in a better way. I spent time listening to music and observing how each emotion is represented in the language of music by different artists. My mind had the space to think about all these things instead of being focused on mindless entertainment fed from TV shows or mobile applications.

And getting the space to ponder over things and being able to confront emotions and channel them into creation is so important for the creative process.

Look at my blog too. I wrote three posts in one day. Because I have been thinking about things, I have been struggling with emotions and I have been thinking of solutions at the back of my mind. And some of it found it’s way into my writing.

Basically deep focus gives space for us to be human. The difference between human beings and any other animal is the thought and effort human beings put into everything they do. That is what I was able to do with my music, thanks to the space I gave my brain for thinking without distractions.

I think I have made my point now. Hope it helps some people. Have a good day 🙂

Last straw

You were the last straw
It’s too much of a responsibility for you I know
Being told that
You were just looking for a day’s fun
But I was letting myself get swayed by your pretence
Foolish though it was
That hidden part of me that still had hope
Peeking through half closed doors
One last time
But now that door is shut
That last time was enough confirmation
That it need not resurface ever in this life time
This is what life has planned for me
The sooner I accept the sooner I can begin
To love myself
To gift myself with what delights me
To take myself out on a date and be happy
To be my own companion
I hope this relationship lasts.

Deep focus

I have been fascinated for a while with the concept of deep focus. Giving your 100% to a work, without distractions. Completely isolating yourself. And then I met a guy who does exactly this. That was enough motivation for me to finally try it.

I lasted half a day. Then suddenly I crashed. Pinged all my friends, watched three episodes of a movie series, ordered junk food. Then started going back into depression. It was good till I crashed. I was working on things with focus. But towards the end I started questioning my work, why was i working hard? For what?

I know why I am working hard. For success. To become really good at what I do. But still there is some factor missing in the motivation.

Any thoughts?

Dirt

You broke my heart
Like no one ever did before
I didn’t know you well
Yet I thought i’d be safe with you
My mistake
Must be something about how you spoke
Your charms

But you threw me away
like dirt
you treated me in a way
That i would never want any guy to touch me ever again

Because i realised that displays of affection, those smiles,
that feeling of connecting over something that’s important to us both
were nothing but ruses
meant to pave a path for you
to treat me like dirt, momentary relief

nothing else
nothing more
whatever I may want to believe
this is all i’ll ever mean to a guy
Dirt

Risk

I knew
I always knew the risk
I knew
I knew it was not easy

But I also knew the risk

Of not trying ever,
The risk of losing
That ray of hope

It was not worth it
Just to stay safe
It didn’t make any sense

I had to jump
Even if it meant
Falling Hurting
Losing everything

But
I had nothing to start with
Nothing but hope
And a message from someone

That nothing mattered

Only
Living without ever giving up
Living in the best way possible
With whatever we have.