I’m starting to feel disconnected from every body from my past. Even talking to my sister has started to feel like talking to a stranger. I wonder sometimes why i talk to my parents. I hardly know them and feel zero attachment to them. And when I think about this I wonder who I feel any attachment to. When I was a kid, there used to be some friend or some guy I liked that I would feel attached to. I would take comfort in having them around. But I think that was a different me, I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t think I have any single person to whom I am attached to in a way that I would feel warmth or want to stay in touch. Everything is so transient. Tomorrow none of these people are going to be around and I will remember them just like I remember my sister or parents like people I know from a movie I watched long back. And this is not sad to me, this is just strange, very strange.
Not that I had gone anywhere. But I’m back from feeling like I need a guy in life to replace some void created by another. I’m back from suddenly becoming a person who was seeking love and validation outside. And I’m now no longer a person who attaches her identity to being a victim of bad parenting and sexual assault. I am now a proud person.
I love how I changed my life, took it on a path that others can only dream of and after all the uncertainty I am now stable on this path. I’m proud of being a person who is not stuck to social norms and has carved her own path through all sorts of obstacles. I can see myself achieving my dreams very soon. All of them. One by one. So no more going after people who only cheated me or used me or treated me like I meant nothing more than someone to fulfill their needs. I suddenly don’t even care enough to be hurt by them. I just have better, more important things to do. And only those who value this about me may stay. Others are free to leave as they can cause me no good.