Pain

I always believe that we meet people because there is some message that they must pass on to us or we must pass on to them. And when we get an important message from someone we tend to feel attached to them. Nevertheless, they must leave when their job is done. And it hurts to have to move on from that. And we may ask why…why do we have to go through this pain of separation again. And I ask, if the separation had not been so hurtful would you remember for life what they taught you. It will hurt for as long as it must to change your life. And once your life is on this new path they won’t seem that special, that important because their job is truly done.

So we only have to surrender to the pain. Move on and open ourselves to new experiences. Every time we break down and rebuild ourselves we have become a better version. Pain is only a reminder that there are some things about ourselves we need to work on in order to grow. To feel proud of ourselves without needing the validation of another. And may be in the here and now things seem uncertain and hurtful but if I were to compare my life to how it was an year ago I have to acknowledge that life is much much better and more colourful and I have so much to be thankful for.

It still hurts as I type that life is better because inside me something is screaming no it’s not. And I respect that feeling. Life is not great, it’s painful and I surrender to that pain and let it be that way.

Questions

Sometimes you just can’t make sense of why some things happen in your life. Why meet someone who touches your heart only to be tossed aside like you mean nothing to them. Why should we go through more pain when there is already an endless supply of it and all you are looking for is some respite from it.

I usually know. I understand why something happens and how I must make sense of it. But today I am blank. I don’t understand why I must keep going through hurt from family, from friends and now even from people I just met. How careful can one be.

I refuse to meet anyone now. I refuse to try to do anything at all. I want peace. That is all i demand. Peace of mind. All I ask is to get some space away from all the people shouting their expectations at me. I want to stop listening to anyone and I want to stop caring about how my actions hurt anyone. Clearly, others don’t care how their actions hurt me.

I am today questioning again why I must live. Not because my life is devoid of passion but because I am devoid of any will to continue this struggle.

I want that one solution that will help me to bring peace in my existence. So I can quietly focus all my energies on music, without being distracted by pointless pain. Please give me no more drama. Please instead give me strength and mental peace to look after myself alone.